I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
