end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
MIDGETS
????
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
