i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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