I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Randomize
