I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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