I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
