Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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