I cockslap morals
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
