small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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