Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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