if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
