NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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