You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
