So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
