You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
