Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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