The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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