Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
