im drinking this country out of the recession.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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