Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
