THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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