whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
