She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
