today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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