you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
