in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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