I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Randomize
