Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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