she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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