That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
