so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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