Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
