Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
