i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
