you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
