Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
