I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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