This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
