i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
