I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
