My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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