Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
