Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
