1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
