WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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