In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
