She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
