He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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