Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
