Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
