ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
