if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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