did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
