went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
