GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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