And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
