do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Someone came in the potted fern
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
