I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
