is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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