I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
