i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
