I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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