I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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