That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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