Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
