Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
