I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
