they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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