Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
