all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
