Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
