you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize