So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
