Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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