if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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