He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Don't tell me you're on acid again
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
